It’s more like a week after, but you get my drift.
The morning I woke up to do my photo and video shoot was amazing. Everything seemed to be working in my favor. The weather was lovely. No traffic on the road. The location wasn’t too crowded.
I was nervous though. I haven’t seen myself with a fully melanated complexion since I was a teenager. I wondered what it would look like. How would it feel? My body artist, Jocelyn, was a rock star! She matched my skin tone with such precision. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t believe it. But while I was excited at how even she got my color, I realized I felt weird looking at the girl in the mirror. I guess in the end, you find comfort in the familiarity of yourself – whether it’s your slimmer or heavier self, full make up or lack there of, bearded or baby face, natural hair or colorful wig, contacts or glasses.
It’s a dangerous game to compare yourself to images of others. But it’s even more dangerous comparing yourself to your own imagination – a former memory or an futuristic daydream. Both are probably now distorted in your mind to represent perfection. But one thing is for sure, whether it’s who you once were and who you could become, neither represents who you are.
It all feels very surreal to experience everything unfold. I’ve been contemplating and working on various aspects of how to articulate my story for a while now. Of course, I live my story, my life, everyday…but this was different. Packaging my thoughts into a neat and tidy 3 minutes. How does one unpack years of reflection, considerations, hesitations, and expectations? I guess that’s what the blog is for. It’s a continuous journey of expression.
Mine is just one experience. But to be honest, the best part of watching last week’s video post unfold was the outpourings of relatability. The stories of empowerment that others shared on social media and private messages to me. It made it all worth it.
I certainly invite you to comment and share as you read along.
I would be remiss if I didn’t shout out BrianTru (photos and video production), Playful Faces (makeup and body), and R Cadell Cook (sound man extraordinaire). Their skills and professionalism are unmatched!